Life in the Middle

I went to Mom’s house for dinner tonight. My sister and father cooked dinner and I did all the dishes, being that it was Mother’s Day. It was great to spend a nice evening with my family. I played with my nephews a bit and gave them my famous piggy back rides and tucked them in and read them stories. They all were staying the night at Mom’s house, so they would drive home in the morning. After the boys went to sleep, we talked about Dee and the fact that she was going to move into her new place at the end of the week. My mom reminded me that I had promised to help move her stuff and get her settled in her new place. I was excited and nervous for her all at the same time. I have talked through it with my counselor and we have ironed through my issues about giving up control of my little sister to someone else. She has really helped me to see that this is truly the best thing for all. My sister has keyed in yes, about her new living arrangements, and of course we will all come visit her often. She will be right in Muncie so I will be able to check in on her a lot. I think this is what we all need. Neither my older sister Carolyn nor I could possibly take on caring for Dee right now. My mother is struggling to do all this by herself and her health is beginning to fail. My father if left to be the only one to care for Dee would either need to put her in a home, or hire a round the clock nurse for her. None of these are the best scenarios for Dee. To try and make hap hazard arrangements for her care in an emergency situation would just not make for a smooth transition. I am really trying to be up beat and positive about the whole thing. I assured my mother that she just needs to let me know when she needs my help and I will be here.

My older sister Carolyn looks really tired tonight. She does not seem to be feeling well, and I gave her an extra hug. I know that the emotional and physical stresses in her life are definitely taking their toll. I quietly suggest to her counseling, and this time instead of blowing me off like she has done many times in the past, she actually asks me for my counselor’s name, which in my mind means that she is softening to the idea that she might need someone outside the family to lean on. It might just be the oldest child syndrome or a personality flaw, but Carolyn believes that she must always be strong, or at least appear to be. I know that may be true in front of her boys, but I also know that she can’t hold in all of her feelings about everything that has happened to her forever. She needs someone to talk to, and if not me, then someone.

Must it always be all at once or nothing at all? I called Jenna last night and we talked for a little while and we agreed to go to dinner and a movie next Saturday night. Well a friend of mine Steve invited Chris and I to come over to his place for a night of poker and beer. Well, little did I know that there would be women at this party as well and that definitely made the game much more interesting. Steve introduced me to his girlfriend’s sister, her name was Taylor. She was quite beautiful with tan skin and green eyes, and yes a body that you definitely wanted to see more of. Well, she was quite the poker player and I definitely enjoyed her company. After the game we all hung out for a while and I got to talking to her. She goes to Ball State also, but I had not ever seen her there before. She told me that she doesn’t spend much time on campus that she still lives at home with her parents, and works at her father’s store. She said that in her free time, she hangs out with her friends and goes out clubbing. She just broke it off with her high school sweetheart, and they had been together for 4 years. She said that she has been wanting to meet someone, but after all that time of dating the same guy, she is not even sure how to go about it.

Well, she was exciting and interesting to talk to. I had red flags going up because she had been in a relationship for so long and was definitely on the rebound. I had been drinking and little and so had she and well, one thing led to another, and I wound up taking her home. I really didn’t mean for this to happen, and I did keep telling Taylor that I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship, and she said she wasn’t either, which I now am really hoping was true. I know this makes me sound like a total dog. I really do like Jenna and want to get to know her better, but Taylor was incredible and in my defense it had been a while since I had been with someone and sometimes things just happen. I just really hope that this doesn’t become a problem especially between Steve and I. I mean I didn’t make her any promises or anything, I was really careful not to with this potential new relationship on the horizon, I really don’t want to mess this one up.

Okay, so I am not really sure why I feel so guilty. I mean I haven’t even had a real date with Jenna yet, and still somehow I feel as if what I did was cheating on her. I haven’t made her any promises or anything, and I really don’t know if things are going to work out, but I guess that I know there was a definite connection there and I don’t want to blow my chance at a real relationship. I mean sex is one thing, but a real relationship is a once in a lifetime.

I just got finished watching Cloverfield . I was told not to watch it that it had made some people sick on the big screen. I thought it was really interesting. If you haven’t seen or heard of it before, it is about a day in life of someone and then a monster attacks Manhattan, and they continue to document through the disaster and tragedy.

I think that this movie was meant to be a representation of a terrorist attack, but that they did not want to open that wound again, so they used something fictitious to drive home the point without elevating the fear level in people. This created a little less fear from the movie while still representing the fear and chaos that unpredictable situations like the terrorist attacks of 9/11 create.

In the opening scenes of the movie, they document two of the main characters Rob and Beth and their love affair. Then they move to a month later, where they are planning a going away party for Rob as he has gotten a promotion and is heading to Japan. They film the party and the other characters using Rob’s friend Hud as the camera man. He is documenting everyone’s well wishes for Rob on his trip, when they uncover the fact that Rob and Beth had slept together about a month earlier. Anyway, when Beth shows up at the party with another guy, Rob and Beth have words and Beth leaves angry. Trying to comfort their brother and friend, Jason and Hud are trying to talk to Rob about it when the building shakes and powers out for a minute. This moment is very startling as they are just talking and then boom terror sets in. They go on the roof to see what is going on, and observe things flying and explosions in the city and the group of party goers flees the building. The whole time being filmed by Hud as documented by the video camera he is carrying.

As time goes on the terror and chaos ensue, as they still do not know what is going on in the city and the group tries to cross the Brooklyn Bridge. As they are crossing the monsters tail swings across and kills Jason and breaks the bridge. The group of 4, now make it off the bridge and in the mean time, Rob gets a call from Beth saying she needs help and that she is trapped and bleeding. The group decides to go back into the city to try and save Beth. When they do, they run into these smaller spider like monsters in the subway tunnels and one of the girls get bitten by a creature. As they try to get out of the tunnels and away from these creatures, the 4 weary travelers come across the military and their make shift hospital, and when they know that the one girl has been bitten they drag her into a tent and kill her. Very shaken, the now group of 3 continue into the city and find Beth and rescue her from her apartment. They then try to get out of the city by helicopter. The first girl gets on the first helicopter and is saved. The rest get on the second helicopter, which spins out of control and then crashes, but all 3 of them are still alive. Then as they are trying to get to safety, Hud the camera man gets attacked by the monster and dies. Then the two that are left are Beth and Rob and they take Hud’s camera and hide in the park under a bridge. The military bombing of the city and monster begin, and then they are buried under rocks and die or so we think. The very last scene is what was left on the tape before and flashes to Beth and Rob having fun together at Coney Island a month earlier.

I really enjoyed this movie, although perhaps not the most realistic of story lines, the plight of the humans to survive and take care of each other above all else seemed to be accurately portrayed by this movie. I would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys lots of action and suspense.

So it finally happened. My prediction came to fruition. Jason finally went home. At least they finally picked the right one to get rid of, especially since the night before he was voted off he couldn’t even remember the lyrics to the song that he picked. I just don’t get it. It seems to me that if I were a singer and was given this most incredible opportunity to perform on National Television in front of the world, I would at the very least make sure I knew the songs I was going to sing. It is kind of like preparing for a test; wouldn’t you practice it over and over again, until you had it down? Not risk the chance that you were going to look like a total idiot out on the stage in front of millions of people? Just seems to me to be common sense. Well, I do think that he said it best that his inexperience was showing, unfortunately I think that at this stage in the competition you would show a little more initiative. I know that the little girls just picked him because he was cute, however, he was not even sad to be voted off, and I think that says how casually he was taking the whole American Idol thing. I would be leery to give that guy a record contract, as he seems like the type who would only follow through if it was good for him. They type where if something better came along he’d forget all about everything and run with that instead. I don’t know, I wasn’t crazy about him from the beginning, but now I see that he really doesn’t have the makings of an idol, just a kid out there having fun without a care in the world.

Now as for the actual competition, it will be very interesting to see how this one plays out. If it were up to me the last two standing in this would be David Cook and David A. I just think that if it comes down to these two guys it will be very close. On the one hand, I think David Cook is amazing. I think that he has talent, the ability to work with and arrange music, and has an awesome star quality. And on the other hand, I think that David A. has shown an amazing amount of inborn talent for singing. I think that he has been consistently good throughout the competition, and seems to have this quiet confidence about him. I just think that the two are on totally opposite ends of the spectrum, and I think that trying to compare one up against the other is like trying to compare circles and squares. I know one of the two will most likely win, but I think that it will be a very close one, as it will be difficult to choose between such very different talents. Either way, don’t feel bad, I am sure that even the loser will walk away with an amazing recording contract!

Finally, it happened, I met someone that I think is just the someone I have been looking for. I was at the store this week buying my mother a necklace for Mother’s Day when there she was asking me if I needed any help. She showed me a few different things that I had been looking at, and even helped me make my decision. She wasn’t overly glamorous but she was beautiful. She had on a pink dress and was wearing some simple jewelry. She had brown hair with blondish highlights and had beautiful brown eyes. Her name was Jenna. I introduced myself and asked her if she would be getting a break for dinner. She said that she got an hour for dinner and if I came back at 6:00 she would love to spend her dinner break with me. I bought the necklace for my mom and told her I would see her then.

Needless to say, I putzed around the mall for another hour waiting for her break, and I came back and took her to dinner. We went and got Chinese food and we talked. She is a student at Ivy Tech a local community college and this is her first year there. She said that she wanted to get herself established and get out of her parents house before she started college. Right now she is just taking general studies and trying to decide what to do. She said that she would like to be a teacher maybe or a psychologist. I told her that was a crazy coincidence as I was considering counseling as a career as well. We talked non stop for probably about the whole hour and then I walked her back to work. I felt like we had known each other forever, the whole time I felt very comfortable being around her and to think I was also attracted to her, now this was definitely amazing. Anyway, I asked her if I could see her again this weekend, and she said sure, and she gave me her number. All the way home, I could not stop thinking about her. She was smart and beautiful, pleasant to be around, a good conversationalist, and above all else, she did not seem to be completely self absorbed. I was careful to watch for the signs as we spent the hour together. She did not need to run off to the bathroom to fix herself. She was not afraid to order food or eat it in front of me. She did not have 3 inch long fingernails that were professionally done. She was a real person. I was being very careful to double check and make sure that I was not falling into my same old pattern again. I think I finally broke through it.

On the ride home I called my friend Chris to tell him all about Jenna. He was really glad for me and said when do I get to meet her? I told him let us get through our first actual date and see how it goes before I start showing her off.

I really can’t wait to call her; I think I will try to give her a call tomorrow night. I really want to call her tonight, but I don’t want to seem desperate.

I like Amy Winehouse's music, but I can't say I approve of her drink and drug lifestyle. I've been reading about her latest run in with the law - for drug offences and assault - and can't help but wonder why so many talented stars frequently display such out of control behaviour. Here is a young woman with tremendous ability and the world at her feet who feels the need to abuse her mind and body - it's a tragic case of self-loathing where there should only be pride and self-worth. It's an age-old story. From Judy Garland to Elvis Presley, Marlon Brando to Britney Spears - enormous success and adulation can turn what should be a personal heaven into a private hell. These stars get an enormous amount of adulation, and get given anything they want, so it's hardly surprising that so many of them lose their grip on reality. The latest scandal saw Winehouse filmed smoking crack-cocaine and snorting ecstasy and cocaine. The question is, why would she allow herself to be filmed doing these things? In the light of Kate Moss and countless others being caught out on camera, it seems surprising that someone would shine a light on their illegal activites. Then again, maybe that's what it's all about for these people - once they've experienced a certain level of attention and interest in their lives, they become addicted to the very notion of fame. And when the public seem far from dismayed at their behaviour, they give more of the same. Entertainers by nature give their public what they want - even if it's a drug-addled tragi-comedy being played out in the media. For Amy Winehouse and others, this is a heavy price to pay for all the rewards their success has brought. The only real hope for the future is that the public at large become less interested in the soap opera of celebrity and more interested in the actual skills and talents of the stars they seek to make, break, canonize and shoot down.

I am a big reality TV fan and I love music. I have watched every season of America Idol, just about every episode faithfully. I can’t believe this season however; to me it has been a real disappointment. I mean almost every season has been pretty right on in my mind, at least in the order of people leaving as far as abilities. I don’t usually vote, but it seems to me that the people who are watching this year are a bunch of unknowing teeny boppers just voting for who is cute or pretty. In the past, I have always felt that the voting was based on talent, and accept for an occasional feeling of - Oh, I would have let that person stay another week. Now take for instance Brooke, which to me was not as big a shock to leave this past week as let’s say Carly. But then again all the hype I was hearing said that Carly had already been offered a record contract, which is really no surprise I mean she had a really good voice and was really cute, but the hype said that since she already had a contract that American Idol would have to bump her off before she got to the top 3. They don’t want someone who already has a recording contract to win American Idol. I mean if you think about it, it does make sense, after all the whole purpose for winning the American Idol competition is to win the record contract, so it was only fair to give it to someone who didn’t already get offered one.

In my opinion, the next American Idol should have been Michael Johns. He was BY FAR the most fitting candidate for the title. He was extremely talented and innovative, with his music composing and his singing. I truly liked the fact that he was a little bit older and felt that he would definitely win it. I remember the night he was voted off. The girls I believe were Kristy Lee Cook and I believe the other was Syesha just sat there staring when they said that he was going home instead of them. Just the fact that a singer and performer as sub par as Kristy Lee Cook or a Brooke White stayed in that competition longer than he did was a bit absurd. I am honestly surprised that Syesha is still in it. Over the past few weeks I think that she has raised her game, and she does have a nice voice, however, her first performances after arriving in Hollywood were so bad, that I must say I would have voted her off well before a Brooke White. I also thought that Chickeesee got a raw deal. At first I wanted him to go, but after a few weeks he did start to improve and they cut him, why they did not take the same approach with Syesha, I am just not sure. I don’t think that I would have let Amanda go as soon as she did either. I thought she was really good, but she did have a few bad songs that I think cost her.

I would have picked Michael Johns as the next American Idol, however without him in the running, I do think that it will be a tough choice between the two Davids. Although Jason is really cute, I don’t think he is a very strong singer at all. I don’t happen to be crazy about Syesha as I would have sent her home about a month ago at least. David C is really awesome, a little more mature and comfortable with himself. I think David A is a bit stronger vocally, but his age for me is a bit of a set back. I think you need to be careful of giving a 17 year old a record contract, but he seems really likeable and whether or not either one wins the Idol competition I am sure that both are talented enough that they will be pursued by a recording company. As for Michael Johns and Carly, I won’t be sad; I know that they too are talented enough to both get record contracts and make millions. I am sure Kristy Lee Cook will too, since she’s got that whole cute little innocent blond Carrie Underwood, country girl hoopla going for her, but I don’t really want to hear her again ever!!!

Well, I think that my parents have decided on a place for Dee. I am really having mixed emotions about this whole thing. On one hand, I understand the need for my parents to do this, and for my sister to get used to living this way. On the other hand, I am finding the whole thing kind of like having her committed or something. I mean she does have more communication available to her now than in the past, especially with her new sound board, but I am still left feeling a bit like we are abandoning her. My counselor says that I need to get over my need to save the world. She says I am running constantly to try and take care of everyone, everyone except myself. She says that I can’t keep trying to protect my sisters from all the evils of the world, and that the best way I can help them is by living my own life.

She says that as a family we are very codependent, but I think that it is not so much codependent as interdependent. I have thought long and hard about this one, and have really come to the realization that we as a family have experienced quite a lot of heartache and perhaps more than our share. It is through these experiences that we have bonded together as a family unit, to help each other through the tough times. I think that we now realize the importance of having each other to lean on, when everyone and everything else is gone. We don’t all live together, but we do all live within about ½ hour of each other and we do talk daily. This is why, according to my counselor that I can’t find anyone to have a lasting relationship with. I don’t know, perhaps I am in denial, but I think that there is a significant lack in people in general these days. I think they lack morals and values and substance. I keep trying to explain to her that is all I am looking for in a relationship. Someone to spend time with, who is attractive, confident, and not completely self involved. I don’t think that this is too much to ask. I want to get married and have kids someday. Not quite yet, as I still need to be there for my nephews for a while longer. I think my sister will find someone new, I know it will only happen when she is ready. She loved her husband more than anything, and I am not sure how long until she heals enough to move on.

I think I am developing feelings for this counselor. I mean she is a good looking well educated woman. She seems really nice, but I know if I ask her out, I will be sitting in someone else’s office next week. I think it would be wise to keep these thoughts to myself at least for the time being. I need to find a girlfriend, before I say something to this counselor I will regret.

If you are looking for a makeover or to change the way others see you, there are many articles in magazines and on the internet you can read about how to make yourself over in a matter of minutes, or change the way you think about yourself image over time. Few, however, mention the simplest and most radical way to change your image in seconds; which is to simply remove your glasses. You’ll be surprised at the reaction you’d get if you were to walk around for a day without glasses if everyone you know is used to seeing you in glasses.

Some of us use thick frames to hide behind, this kind of heavy framework - unless part of a specific look - does little for our faces as a whole and can overshadow the eyes. When you consider that our eyes are the most unique and beautiful part of most peoples faces this seems an unfortunate and sad truth.

Choosing to wear contact lenses can change the way you see the world- you may not realise that you’re viewing the world through a frame minute by minute, but once you move over to contacts you’ll see the difference in your field of vision straight away.

Contacts can save you a lot of money over time; you can now buy lenses which can deal with varifocal needs too which will save you money shelling out for different pairs of glasses. Why not compare prices with sites such as ASDA contact lenses to see the difference in a year’s prescription for contact lenses over your normal one.

When considering a makeover of this type why not think about doing something really amazing and even changing the colour of your eyes?

Most types of contact lens now come in colour ranges which can either enhance your natural colour or completely change it! Sites such as Contactlenses.co.uk give consumer information about the different types of coloured lenses around, why not check out which is most relevant to your prescription and new look?

Of course it’s easier for some people to carry on wearing glasses no matter how bad you may think they look, than it is to face the fear of putting in contact lenses for the first time. This is a real fear, but it’s also a fear that any registered Optician will understand. Most non-contact wearers do not realise that the lens in fact floats in the liquid above the cornea and does not touch the actual eye itself. Once you have your prescription you can even buy cheaper contact lenses online from sites such as Vision Direct and have them delivered to your door.

Once you have tried contacts and overcome any fear you may have had remember that you’ve now given yourself far more options than ever before about how to appear from that day on. You can now choose to wear your glasses when at work or at study and the freedom of movement in sports you will enjoy without glasses hindering your play will be a makeover in itself.

I've never been in a hot-air balloon but lately I've been thinking about it a great deal. Drifting silently across the earth, suspended only with the most basic of technology, a creaking whicker basket the only thing to stop you plummeting to the ground.

So I've decided to make a trip to Europe this year and see the English countryside from a birds eye view. Having looked at a few options, I've found that retail chain ASDA offer some very reasonable hot air balloon flights. You can take a dawn balloon trip over a choice of counties and watch the sun come up from 2000 feet above ground, which seems like a pretty enchanting way to spend a morning to me. On top of the ride itself, you get a glass of champagne and the opportunity to help inflate the balloon.

Once you've bought a voucher it's valid for ten months. During this period you can request your preferred times and dates of travel, and - weather permitting - you will be contacted on the required day for confirmation that the ride is going ahead. Even with that famously inclement British weather, I should be able to find an appropriate flight day during a three week summer vacation.

After a spectacular view of Hampshire I'll take a drive along the coast and visit Hastings in Sussex, the landing point of the norman conquest and the birthplace of medieval England. Lastminute.com are proving a fantastic resource for car hire, which is the best way to give me freedom to move as I please.

I have no idea what else I'll do in England. I don't like to plan too far ahead, the best elements of a sight-seeing holiday are always the surprises. Perhaps I'll drive up to Scotland and take in the dramatic Highlands and Western Isles. I hear the Norfolk broads are somewhat similar to the mid west of America with their sprawling flatness and abundance of potatoes. Whatever I do, I'll be sure to keep you posted on my movements and tell you about any points of interest during my holidays.