Life in the Middle

Well, I think that my parents have decided on a place for Dee. I am really having mixed emotions about this whole thing. On one hand, I understand the need for my parents to do this, and for my sister to get used to living this way. On the other hand, I am finding the whole thing kind of like having her committed or something. I mean she does have more communication available to her now than in the past, especially with her new sound board, but I am still left feeling a bit like we are abandoning her. My counselor says that I need to get over my need to save the world. She says I am running constantly to try and take care of everyone, everyone except myself. She says that I can’t keep trying to protect my sisters from all the evils of the world, and that the best way I can help them is by living my own life.

She says that as a family we are very codependent, but I think that it is not so much codependent as interdependent. I have thought long and hard about this one, and have really come to the realization that we as a family have experienced quite a lot of heartache and perhaps more than our share. It is through these experiences that we have bonded together as a family unit, to help each other through the tough times. I think that we now realize the importance of having each other to lean on, when everyone and everything else is gone. We don’t all live together, but we do all live within about ½ hour of each other and we do talk daily. This is why, according to my counselor that I can’t find anyone to have a lasting relationship with. I don’t know, perhaps I am in denial, but I think that there is a significant lack in people in general these days. I think they lack morals and values and substance. I keep trying to explain to her that is all I am looking for in a relationship. Someone to spend time with, who is attractive, confident, and not completely self involved. I don’t think that this is too much to ask. I want to get married and have kids someday. Not quite yet, as I still need to be there for my nephews for a while longer. I think my sister will find someone new, I know it will only happen when she is ready. She loved her husband more than anything, and I am not sure how long until she heals enough to move on.

I think I am developing feelings for this counselor. I mean she is a good looking well educated woman. She seems really nice, but I know if I ask her out, I will be sitting in someone else’s office next week. I think it would be wise to keep these thoughts to myself at least for the time being. I need to find a girlfriend, before I say something to this counselor I will regret.

If you are looking for a makeover or to change the way others see you, there are many articles in magazines and on the internet you can read about how to make yourself over in a matter of minutes, or change the way you think about yourself image over time. Few, however, mention the simplest and most radical way to change your image in seconds; which is to simply remove your glasses. You’ll be surprised at the reaction you’d get if you were to walk around for a day without glasses if everyone you know is used to seeing you in glasses.

Some of us use thick frames to hide behind, this kind of heavy framework - unless part of a specific look - does little for our faces as a whole and can overshadow the eyes. When you consider that our eyes are the most unique and beautiful part of most peoples faces this seems an unfortunate and sad truth.

Choosing to wear contact lenses can change the way you see the world- you may not realise that you’re viewing the world through a frame minute by minute, but once you move over to contacts you’ll see the difference in your field of vision straight away.

Contacts can save you a lot of money over time; you can now buy lenses which can deal with varifocal needs too which will save you money shelling out for different pairs of glasses. Why not compare prices with sites such as ASDA contact lenses to see the difference in a year’s prescription for contact lenses over your normal one.

When considering a makeover of this type why not think about doing something really amazing and even changing the colour of your eyes?

Most types of contact lens now come in colour ranges which can either enhance your natural colour or completely change it! Sites such as Contactlenses.co.uk give consumer information about the different types of coloured lenses around, why not check out which is most relevant to your prescription and new look?

Of course it’s easier for some people to carry on wearing glasses no matter how bad you may think they look, than it is to face the fear of putting in contact lenses for the first time. This is a real fear, but it’s also a fear that any registered Optician will understand. Most non-contact wearers do not realise that the lens in fact floats in the liquid above the cornea and does not touch the actual eye itself. Once you have your prescription you can even buy cheaper contact lenses online from sites such as Vision Direct and have them delivered to your door.

Once you have tried contacts and overcome any fear you may have had remember that you’ve now given yourself far more options than ever before about how to appear from that day on. You can now choose to wear your glasses when at work or at study and the freedom of movement in sports you will enjoy without glasses hindering your play will be a makeover in itself.

I've never been in a hot-air balloon but lately I've been thinking about it a great deal. Drifting silently across the earth, suspended only with the most basic of technology, a creaking whicker basket the only thing to stop you plummeting to the ground.

So I've decided to make a trip to Europe this year and see the English countryside from a birds eye view. Having looked at a few options, I've found that retail chain ASDA offer some very reasonable hot air balloon flights. You can take a dawn balloon trip over a choice of counties and watch the sun come up from 2000 feet above ground, which seems like a pretty enchanting way to spend a morning to me. On top of the ride itself, you get a glass of champagne and the opportunity to help inflate the balloon.

Once you've bought a voucher it's valid for ten months. During this period you can request your preferred times and dates of travel, and - weather permitting - you will be contacted on the required day for confirmation that the ride is going ahead. Even with that famously inclement British weather, I should be able to find an appropriate flight day during a three week summer vacation.

After a spectacular view of Hampshire I'll take a drive along the coast and visit Hastings in Sussex, the landing point of the norman conquest and the birthplace of medieval England. Lastminute.com are proving a fantastic resource for car hire, which is the best way to give me freedom to move as I please.

I have no idea what else I'll do in England. I don't like to plan too far ahead, the best elements of a sight-seeing holiday are always the surprises. Perhaps I'll drive up to Scotland and take in the dramatic Highlands and Western Isles. I hear the Norfolk broads are somewhat similar to the mid west of America with their sprawling flatness and abundance of potatoes. Whatever I do, I'll be sure to keep you posted on my movements and tell you about any points of interest during my holidays.

My younger sister is a quadriplegic and has cerebral palsy. She was born with this condition, although, my parents believe that it was caused by the doctors and hospital during the birth process. The doctors needed to help Dee out with forceps and Mom has always felt that this is what caused her injury. They even got a settlement from them to this effect. My parents knew right away that Dee was going to be different. She has always been a glowing spirit and the light of my life. She is just one of those people who you know understands the world, even though she can't really express it. It is difficult to explain unless you looked into her eyes, then I know you would see it too.

It is hard to believe that my parents lived a relatively normal existence before Dee, as all of my memories of growing up are all around Dee. She grew up in the home with my parents, my older sister and me. We all helped with her care and mom did most of the work. I think my Dad loved Dee; he just wasn't the caregiver type. Mom lifted, bathed, pushed, played with and changed my sister. She always says that Dee has a more quiet spirit then my other sister and I. Dee has never spoken a word and has been wheelchair bound her whole life.

Recently, we have gotten her approval for a board that she can push the keys and it will allow her to tell us what she wants. I feel sad that all this time that she has been on this earth; she has never been able to express her love, desires, dislikes and feelings. Assistive technology is amazing, she can't communicate everything on this board, but she can definitely communicate more which is really exciting especially for my mom.

I try to stay close by to my family to help them out. I know that my mom is thinking about putting Dee into an adult home. It scares me a little to think about someone other than family taking care of her, but I know that my mom has had to be caregiver for so long, that she has had no opportunity to experience life. I am also realizing that as Mom gets older she is less capable of taking care of my sister's every need. It may be the best way to transition Dee before something happens to one of my parents. I am already assigned to be my sister's caregiver if anything happens to my parents. It scares me a little to think about how that would change my life, but I love my sister and my parents and would do anything for them.

I know that my older sister will help me take care of Dee, but she has more on her plate than she can handle right now, and quite honestly, she already has 2 little boys that she is raising on her own. I could never consider burdening her with the care of my younger sister as well.

I often wonder what her life could have been if it weren't for her cerebral palsy. Most of us have burdens that we carry with us that no one can see. For Dee, her obstacles are worn on the exterior. Maybe, in some ways that is better. People definitely show her more compassion than they show other people. We should probably treat all people as if they have a handicap. Everyone truly is handicapped in some way, don't you think?

I recently have been researching a paper for my psychology class, and the paper has to do with the nature vs. nurture argument. For a long time, I used to believe that nurturing was way more important on the scale than nature. I for years have truly thought that children were a product of the environment in which they were raised and gave very little credibility to the fact that some personality traits are inborn.

Since researching this paper, I have discovered that nature has more of a role in how a child is than pretty much any other factor. It was hard for me to accept at first, and honestly it was the stories on twins that really got to me. In one of the separated at birth stories I studied, they talked about twin girls that had been separated at birth. With no idea that they even had a twin out there in the world, they went about living their lives. At the age of 38, they discovered they had a twin and met up together for the first time. These twins had the same strengths and weaknesses. For instance, they both were excellent in math, but had struggled with social studies significantly. Both of the women had the same favorite color, liked the same type of music and the same foods. These women had similar hair styles and both were married to men named Paul. They married within a year of each other and each one had 2 kids a boy and a girl. They each even went to the Bahamas for their honeymoons. Each of them was very athletic and ran every morning. They also had each run in the same marathon 20 years earlier.

Another set of twins, men in their 50’s, had not only experienced similar health problems, but had the same likes and dislikes, had both married their high school sweetheart, and both were contractors and had played tennis in high school and collected model airplanes.

Although this may sound like a very freaky set of coincidences, this type of thing has been documented about all different twins that have been separated for years. In every case that was documented in this book, the twins unknowingly were making the same choices at the same time. I find it so interesting that somewhere inside of their DNA they must possess a set of certain traits unknown to scientists so far that cause their likes and dislikes.

I guess perhaps this would explain how serial killers can come from seemingly normal families and circumstances, and turn into such horrible beings. I am not excusing away the idea of choices and responsibilities for ones actions, I am just saying that maybe when we have children, we should consider the fact that we can’t change who are kids are, all we can do is help them find a positive way to channel their inborn energies. Working with our kids to try and put their natural abilities and talents to good use, may be the only power that we will have over the fate of the world.

In my daily life, I am constantly hearing about women in our society and how they are being objectified. I do see the trend in advertising that allows women to be portrayed as love goddesses and sex toys for men. However, I have a complaint on the flip side of this. As a man, I have recently been subjected to an advertising gimmick that I feel portrays men as less than human.

I have seen 2 such commercials like this. The first commercial, shows a woman rubbing peanuts all over her body, on her neck, arms and behind her ears. She is what I would consider less than attractive. The next frame shows her walking down the street and a whole bunch of guys following her, whistling at her, and talking to her. She has a big smile on her face.

One other commercial along this same line, shows two women sitting in a bar, the one woman claims to smell something, and the second woman says that smell is the food she is keeping in her purse. She shows the food to her friend and then puts in back in her purse and closes the bag. Then 2 men approach her (just her not her friend) and start talking to her.

As a man, I do truly find these commercials offensive. I really think that these commercials don’t show women or men in a favorable light. The women seem desperate as they are willing to reduce themselves to anything, including wearing their food, to get a man. The men on the other hand, seem like less than human creatures, who don’t want women, they just prowl for food and when they smell it will seduce a woman if they need to get the food.

What a bunch of garbage! We are human beings, and I don’t like seeing men acting like savage beasts and prowling through a bar following the scent of a taco, or down a street following the smell of peanuts. I know that many men do not show behaviors that would lead anyone to believe that they are humans, but some men actually are. Has our world really been reduced to men sniffing around for food, and women wearing it to get some attention? If that is the case than maybe perfume manufacturers need to start making women’s scents according to the most popular food items. I happen to really like pizza, however, if I can across a woman who smelled like one, I think that I would run in the other direction.

I had an interesting weekend. I got to spend the weekend playing Mr. Mom while my sister went out of town for a seminar. My weekend began by picking up my nephews from the babysitter on Friday afternoon after classes. I prepared in advance with car seats properly restrained in the rear seat. I got to the sitter around five o’clock, and both boys were whiny. They seemed really tired. I was used to helping my sis out with Matt and Nick, but I had never had them by myself for a whole weekend before. I was a little intimidated. I stopped and got them McDonalds and played with them in the little kids play area there. We had fun. On the way home to my sisters both boys fell asleep in the car. I got Nick (the one year old) in the house first and laid him down on his bed, then I went out for Matt, who was already awake so I undid his seat and we went in. We went outside and played ball for a little bit and then I told him that we were going to do some things for Mommy around the house this weekend. I had brought my tool kit and wanted to take care of a few of the little things around the house while she was gone. I put Matt in the tub and got him cleaned from head to toe, and into his pajamas, and got him into bed. He had me read him a story and then of course another, and then a drink of water, and then he finally went to sleep. Well, it was about 9:00pm and my night was finally beginning. I went to the kitchen and did the dishes and put on a load of laundry for her. Then I hit the books for a little while, as I knew I would not have my usual amount of time for studying this weekend. I finally got to sleep about midnight.

Saturday started with Matt and Nick crawling up on the bed and tickling me. Not my usual wake up ritual, but it was kind of cute. Then I got Nick in the bath and cleaned up. Got both boys dressed and into the kitchen and got them some cereal. Which they ate and got all over the place, and then I started cleaning the kitchen all over again. I offered the boys that I would take them to the toys store later, if they would help me pick up the toys in the living room and the bed room. They were helping when the war broke out. They were fighting over who was going to pick up the blocks. I helped them resolve that and went inside to do a little more laundry. Then we headed for the yard. I knew it needed to be mowed, so I took the boys up to the gas station to get gas for the mower. When we came back I got the gas in the mower and began to mow while the boys played in their sandbox. All was going well until Matt dropped his sucker in the sandbox sand and began crying. I shut off the lawnmower, got the lollipop cleaned off, and back to him and finished mowing the lawn. Then it was lunchtime, I went in the house and made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and then we ate and again I cleaned up the kitchen. Then I switched the laundry and folded a load, and by this time the boys had torn apart the toys in the bedroom. So I told them to clean up, while I changed the washer in my sister’s bathroom and straightened up in their. I put on a movie for the boys, while I tried to repair a broken cabinet in the kitchen. Got that fixed and made the beds and it was already almost dinner time. Well, I just couldn’t make another meal that would require cleaning up the kitchen again, so I called and ordered us a pizza, to be delivered, and stuck the boys in the tub and again cleaned them head to toe and put their pajamas on. After sopping up the water off the bathroom floor, the doorbell rang and I answered and paid for our dinner. We ate our pizza and played a little game of ball, we just rolled it around in the living room and then I gave them piggy back rides to bed. I read them three stories and tucked them in and sat on the couch, or should I say fell onto the couch. This was quite exhausting. I guess I never realized how much energy it took for my sister to get through the day. And I wasn’t working or going to school, just taking care of those two boys and trying to get a few things done around the house. My sister returned first thing on Sunday morning, she said she was homesick and left early. This was her first time away from the boys since her husband had passed so I think it was really hard for her to leave them.

I just must say that I never realized how much work it takes to be a parent, especially a single one. The repetition of activities is incredible. You do the same things over and over again until you think you just can’t do anymore, and then you go a little further. Well, I know I won’t be a Daddy anytime soon, but I do think that maybe I should set up once a week to take my nephews so she can have a break. I don’t think that she can keep going at the pace without some relief.