Well, I think that my parents have decided on a place for Dee. I am really having mixed emotions about this whole thing. On one hand, I understand the need for my parents to do this, and for my sister to get used to living this way. On the other hand, I am finding the whole thing kind of like having her committed or something. I mean she does have more communication available to her now than in the past, especially with her new sound board, but I am still left feeling a bit like we are abandoning her. My counselor says that I need to get over my need to save the world. She says I am running constantly to try and take care of everyone, everyone except myself. She says that I can’t keep trying to protect my sisters from all the evils of the world, and that the best way I can help them is by living my own life.
She says that as a family we are very codependent, but I think that it is not so much codependent as interdependent. I have thought long and hard about this one, and have really come to the realization that we as a family have experienced quite a lot of heartache and perhaps more than our share. It is through these experiences that we have bonded together as a family unit, to help each other through the tough times. I think that we now realize the importance of having each other to lean on, when everyone and everything else is gone. We don’t all live together, but we do all live within about ½ hour of each other and we do talk daily. This is why, according to my counselor that I can’t find anyone to have a lasting relationship with. I don’t know, perhaps I am in denial, but I think that there is a significant lack in people in general these days. I think they lack morals and values and substance. I keep trying to explain to her that is all I am looking for in a relationship. Someone to spend time with, who is attractive, confident, and not completely self involved. I don’t think that this is too much to ask. I want to get married and have kids someday. Not quite yet, as I still need to be there for my nephews for a while longer. I think my sister will find someone new, I know it will only happen when she is ready. She loved her husband more than anything, and I am not sure how long until she heals enough to move on.
I think I am developing feelings for this counselor. I mean she is a good looking well educated woman. She seems really nice, but I know if I ask her out, I will be sitting in someone else’s office next week. I think it would be wise to keep these thoughts to myself at least for the time being. I need to find a girlfriend, before I say something to this counselor I will regret.